I searched my phone’s memory for a picture of me with my mother, intending to share it with you as a symbolic way to celebrate her on International Women’s Day, as she is the greatest woman in my life. But I didn’t find any. I didn’t find even one picture of us together, whether on a special occasion or outside of it. I didn’t find even one memory, whether it was beautiful or bad, documented, because all the feelings I lived with her were not interested in the element of documentation and photography.
Is this one of the aspects of the ingratitude of the age? Is it considered a shortcoming in her right? Does the absence of a picture with her indicate a lack of trust in me? Where will I classify the absence of an archive of her with me? Is it the death of memory or the presence of fear of absence?
Whatever the reasons for the absence of a picture of me with her, she was always wary of the motives for taking a picture with me because of her discomfort with this space and the vermin of women that surround it. I was far from the idea of bothering her and forcing her to smile in front of the camera. My mother does not want to be here, even if it is only in a picture, even if it is with her son. She does not like the idea of excessive consumption of her face by eyes that do not know the intentions hidden behind the comments below the picture. My mother runs away from dirt in the late years of her life. She runs away from moral nudity because of her excessive belief in the right of her husband, and only her husband, to enjoy the favor of feeling every centimeter of her. Other than him, anyone else will be nothing but a smooth snake waiting for an opportunity to inject the venom of his bite.
Even in the absence of a picture of me with her, because memories in the form of a picture hide the longing for loss, as Kafka said, I will not miss the opportunity, the occasion, and the day to say : Happy Women’s Day. Happy Women’s Day. With your prayers, you postpone God’s punishment for me. Every year, even if I am not your obedient son, at least I am your son who does not miss an opportunity to reproach himself for all the sadness and sorrow he has caused you.
You alone deserve congratulations.
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